Biologist who wants to help salmon stocks grow

So heres the situation in British Columbia salmon stock has been decreasing. People are worried, they love their salmon. They feel scared about the possibility of never again tasting smoked salmon, cooked salmon and fresh salmon. They have nightmares in which they see the very last salmon who says "earth children, the salmon race is almost extinguished, we have been drugged for two long, we have lived in your concentration camps for two long, we were harvested to have sex and die under human knife, now its our turn to make you suffer..after i die i would like to be cremated with my ashes spread all over some lake." The biologist comes in and tries to convince the salmon to try this new breeding technique. The biologist is a man who has low salary, fat and frustrated wife, shitty old car and one rubber woman locked in his closet. He also loves to eat salmon, he realizes that without salmon his life is going to be even more shitty.. There is a chance, however, that salmon race will prosper and multiply. The biologist has to take this last salmon into lab and stick some tiny pipe into salmons`s ass and then transfer some sort of fluids. But salmon is like a native American, he/she doesnt believe in modern civilizations. Salmon says - "No, you evil spirit, my decision is to die and not give birth to future generations. I dont want my grandchildren to serve as pieces of salmon sushi." Later that day, biologist comes home, he sees his fat wife, his old car, his crappy apartment, worn out rubber woman, and he feels emptiness. He sits motionless and sad for ten minutes. Then suddenly he jumps, grabs his car keys, and rushes to his car. He does 75 on his 74 buick riding on some little street. He gets into his lab, he find a fish tank,and....
Meanwhile Salmon feels elevated for the first time in his life he/she was able to stand up to human oppression. Salmon was finally grasping that feeling of individuality when he felt that something strong has grabbed him and then something big was stuck into his anus. His eye almost popped out. He felt violated...in a matter of seconds his pride and honor were burned by the back and forth moving pipe.
Three month later, on rainy Saturday morning biologist woke up next to his wife. When he looked outside a window he saw his buick washed by rain. It was rather a sad morning. Biologist made five steps to the kitchen, he opened fridge and saw nicely packed smoked salmon. He stayed motionless for ten seconds and then he smiled in a very very happy way!!!